Yeah, so I haven't blogged in a while. My excuses are as follows: 1). I've been in school and these annoying people I call "teachers" and "mentors" have been piling on the homework as if the world is ending 2). Now that I've finally escaped the evil communist school I'm forced to attend by law, I have indulged myself with an amazing vacation to Sedona, Arizona where I saw Tangled for the 3rd time 3). I fear I have slipped into a depression only to be woken with a kiss from my Prince. What a life, right?
This Christmas was fun. My big present was a Lucky Brand jean jacket (which I LOVE) from my mom. I wish I was 4 again. I have two younger sisters 11 and 4, and my 4 year old sister was soooooooo happy opening her presents. I miss being young and naive, not having to worry about anything. She got some of the best presents that I would have loved if I was her age. My mom got her a Rapunzel (Disney) "barbie" doll and I got her <3 Flynn Rider <3 to go with it (my 11 year old sister's personality is similar to Maximus, the horse, so she got a Maximus doll to go with them as a joke). She also got a Disney Princess tea set and Rapunzel hair and other Disney and Tangled related presents. Besides the jacket I got a Caboodle (<3) and a pink Wii remote and we all got Snuggies (which are really really comfortable by the way) mine had Tinkerbell on it. Christmas Eve we had an AMAZING dinner and watched It's A Wonderful Life in our Disney theme pajamas (we really <3 Disney). Christmas day (night) we ate at a Chinese restaurant just like A Christmas Story. Yesterday we drove home from Sedona and even though I still have a full week left of vacation, I can still feel the minutes slipping away. It's the depression. I can feel the tears comming already. Thankfully my mom knows what I'm going through.
I have no life at school; my "best" friend just ditched me and now I have a few acquaintances who I don't really like anyway. On top of that, I'm not doing very well at this new school and halfway through the "trimester" (stupid communist school) I have two failing grades in Algebra and AP Government (freshman year!). Now I have to go to "after school hours" to "get help". Yeah right, I'm just going to get screamed at for an hour by people I don't respect. The teachers at this school are ridiculous. Since this is a charter school and not a regular public school (despite the rumors the "people" are spreading around) the teachers get bonuses based on how well their students are doing. Also, the "boosters" have a "master teacher program" where each family in the school is requested to donate $1500 to the chosen teacher who will be picked at the end of the year. THAT IS CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! Who has that money now anyway?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? AND on top of that, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO IS GOING TO GET IT UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!! sometimes I wonder about these school people. Isn't the whole point of us going to a charter school because we want a "good" education without spending a million dollars? So, there's about 500 students in the school and we'll say about 450 families so that's like $675,000 to the ungrateful teacher. I have already been screamed at by one teacher who I thought was my favorite teacher. NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! That teacher is one of my TWO language arts teachers. Almost every week we have to do a grammar packet for this class. Last year, I didn't learn anything in the grammar department at all, Arizona schools are over a year behind east coast schools (New Jersey, where I'm from) and on top of that, my teacher was using another teacher's lesson plans and CLEARLY didn't know what she was doing. Anyway, so I haven't really been doing well with these grammar packets as my teacher would have liked (75 to 50% correct) and on the last one I got about half of the questions right. That's a problem because that packet in particular I worked REALLY REALLY hard on and I even looked stuff up that I didn't know. Plus, I was sick at the beginning of the week so I missed some days. So he comes up to me after I tell him my grade and he just goes off on how "lazy" I am and how I "don't pay attention to him in class" NOT TRUE!!!!!!! I'm just sitting there trying to keep composure and he's asking me what I should do to do better and I have no idea what I can do better at the moment so I'm like "maybe I could try harder." and he just screams even more about how awful I am as a student IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE CLASS mind you. And I tried to drown him and my embarrassment out but I could feel all eyes on me and the class went silent. He has never yelled at someone like that before which made me even more upset. Finally, he stopped talking (yelling) and I was left alone to cry in my little corner of the classroom. And I'm not even failing that class!!!!!!!!! It really bothers me that there are other students doing worse than me but he chooses to pick on me and use me as the example of failure...
Adding on to my troubles, I am an LDS teen (Mormon) and I take Seminary in the mornings close to 7:00. Everyone I talked to said that seminary is a breeze, you just have to show up and even if you don't the teachers don't really care, some teachers bring breakfast, you play games every day... 100% not true. We have grades and reports and most likely, if I don't pass every year for 4 years, I might not get into any church owned colleges like BYU and SVU (where I REALLY want to go). I have been sick and late quite a few times and we are supposed to make up missed days by reading a general conference talk and write a reflection. I have missed 9 days!!!!!! at the beginning of the year when I only had missed 1 or 2 days, I asked what I could do the make it up and my teacher said to just read a Chapter in D&C (Doctrine and Covenants) and reflect that. He changed it up on me and didn't even count the days that I did make up which is most of my missed days. And I feel like everyone is putting pressure on me and telling me I might not have a future if I don't pass (even though you can't fail seminary, you can only get a D as the worst grade) especially my father who is a convert and wants us to be the perfect LDS family. He won't even tell me about his childhood and adolescences because he wants to run away from his past. And I know that he wasn't half as bad as most teens today because he had strict parents and my mom was in his life for most of his teen years and they lived in a small town. Every time I say I don't really want to go on a mission he screams at me (a lot of people in my life scream at me) and tells me how he wishes he could have gone on a mission when he can do it with my mom when the kids are out of the house. I just want to get married and have kids and I want to get through college as quickly as possible. So he's constantly giving me guilt trips about seminary.
I know it's going to get better but I'm still in the darkest part of the tunnel and have yet to see the light. Apparently, if I'm going through a hard time, I try to make up for it with something else, like most people do. This time, I'm using Disney, I am especially obsessed with Tangled, as you can see. This has happened before, at the end of 4th grade and all of 5th grade I was obsessed with Disney as well. Mostly Pirates of the Caribbean. (I was having friend and teacher issues then too). In 7th grade it was the Jonas Brothers (I have no idea what my problem was then, but I was a MAJOR fan). I just don't really click with teachers. Since 3rd grade and one part of Preschool, my teachers have had nothing good to say about me. I'm not obnoxious or loud, maybe a bit talkative but not incessant, but every parent-teacher conference has been just awful. My parents know I'm not lazy as they say I am. My mom thinks I have ADD or Non-Verbal Learning Disability, which is actually kinda the opposite, most people with it learned to talk at an early age; also, it has some dyslexic symptoms as well but it is not dyslexia, sometimes I read words in different orders and I still flip some letters and I don't know my right and left very well. ADD runs in my family, my mom and probably most of her siblings and their children have it and my 11 year old sister has ADHD. So I have lots of problems. It's always darkest before the dawn and I am almost certain it's going to get darker.
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